Bar None
by Franzy's Whiplash Splash
Summary: The idea was simple: Go to a Vegas strip club, get wasted, enjoy my last night as a bachelor, and get married in the morning. Waking up naked between my best friend's legs, kind of put a bit of dent in those plans… Matt/Mello. Mello POV


Chapter 1: Road trip

Summary: The idea was simple: Go to a Vegas strip club, get wasted, enjoy my last night as a bachelor, and get married in the morning. Waking up naked between my best friend's legs, kind of put a bit of dent in those plans… Matt/Mello

Author's Note: Hi I'm Franny and this is my FIRST FIC on this account, people! R_andom idea, could have been a one-shot but meh. This will probably be about 3-5 chapters, not too long. Don't ask me when I'll update…_

_Disclaimer: Screw the rules, I have plot, damnit! Actually, no I don't, but Mello is hotstuffs…yeah, that had nothing to do with anything. XD_

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"Uggh" I groaned.

My eyes burned with blur…the grogginess. Hangovers are a muthafuckin' bitch I swear! My head pounding, I shifted and found that my ass was unbelievable sore. I turned a bit to find my fingers brush against a naked torso, _wft_? Oh it's just Matt. Nothing too weird about that…but why are we in the same bed? _Shouldn't he be in our separate roo—_

The blanket slipped a little as the cool draft hit my—naked—chest. I pulled the blanket up a little to find the rest of me just as naked. I yanked the blanket completely off the bed to find…yep…naked Matt. And blood all over the sheets…

"Matt!" I tried shaking his ass awake, but the bastard was probably more drunk than I felt…as it was I could barely keep myself up kneeling over him like this… And my ass and legs were fucking sore! I cringed and let my hand back to caress my loins to find…a cold white wetness that sure as hell shouldn't have been there.

Alarmed, I stared at Matt in utter silence…until my eye caught movement in the corner of the room. It was _holy fucking shit it's mother-fuckin' boa constrictor!_

"Matt! Matt!" I slapped the bastard until he moved. One look at the floor and he nearly jumped a mile.

"Oh fuck oh shit oh fuck! It's a snake!"

And as if waking up naked beside my best friend with a man-crushing snake at our bedside wasn't fucking weird enough, strange banging that I _thought_ was my head pounding—was coming from the closet. I mustered enough of my motor-skills to not trip over the snake as I made my way across the totally thrashed room.

"Mello, not that I'm complaining here about the view babe, but what's with the sudden exhibitionism?"

I turned back to Matt, with a scowl, "Gee, I don't know Matt. You wanna tell me why we fucking woke up in bed together and why there's _semen_ dripping down my legs?"

His face turned redder than his hair as the implications of my words hit him full-force, but I paid less attention to him than the ringing of the closet door. Cautiously I pulled it open and out tumbled…Near?

Well, yes…it was Near—bound and gagged with women's lingerie and wearing nothing more than a thong around his manhood. I pulled a lace panty out from between his teeth and he sputtered to the floor coughing.

"It's about _time _one of you let me out! I could have suffocated in there!"

Well…damn. What the fuck _happened_ last night?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~48 hours earlier~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Matt hurry!"

I glanced at my watch. Matt was taking his damn time packing up those cords.

"Fuck Matt, we're going to Vegas. Can you _not_ play your goddamn video games at my bachelor party?"

"Mmmn, I need to stay connected Mells. Besides, we still gotta pick up Near and he's not expecting us for 20 minutes."

"Can you remind me why the sheep-bitch is coming?"

"Because you're marrying Halle Lidner and he's her boss. Plus he fucking offered to pay for the hotel room. Dude, would you rather _not_ get the penthouse suite?"

"Just hurry up."

When Matt was done putting all his electronics in their proper places, he threw one lazy arm around me.

"Take one last look Mello. This is your last time in _our_ apartment. Next time you come it'll be to visit and introduce me to your kids."

"Fuck you."

"Aww, I always knew you had the hotts for me." The redhead blew a kiss in my direction. Idiot.

I backhanded my idiot, which shut him up…for about 40 seconds. He did seem to sober up a bit though after I threatened to make Near my best man instead of him.

Sheep-bitch wasn't in the best mood by the time we actually got on the road.

"Will Matt please slow down? I fear for the safety of our journey."

"What's the matter Near? Don't tell me you're scared?"

"I think he finally got a pacemaker after all the pranks we pulled on him at Wammy's."

"Ohyah! Mells you 'member the time we replaced his dice with sugar cubes that we painted black dots on and he had ants crawling all over his room! Roger was soo pissed after that…"

"Especially after Near had to spend a few days in the hospital after some of them crawled up his ass!"

"Remind me why I haven't had the two of you thrown in jail yet?" Near sighed…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~32 Hours Earlier~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long trip, but fun teasing the fluff-ball. Matt took a little detour through some hick town where we stopped at a diner to eat and ohmyfuckingGodiva! They had WONKA BARS in the gift-shop. I bought them out.

When we arrived on the Vegas strip, I think Near nearly had a seizure at the sheer amount of blinding lights. Matt kept stuttering about how he felt like we were in a videogame from how the random colors flashed all around us.

The hotel was nothing short of a palace. Fountains, marble staircases, gold-lined chandeliers. The room was nothing short of jaw-dropping awesomeness. My heart nearly stopped when I saw the chocolate fountain near the middle of the suite! I don't care that I factually hate Near, the pipsqueak can fucking hug me if he's going to pimp out like this more often. We threw our luggage on the floor and I totally domineered one of the two bathrooms, stripping down to my birthday suit and enjoying the wonderful steam bath. I pulled out my best leather for tonight because, yes, I wanted to look like a slut. Vegas was going to get painted a new color—ME.

When I emerged, Matt and Near had already been waiting for me.

"So you guys ready to hit the dance clubs and bars? Or are we going straight for the strip clubs?"

"I don't drink." Near reminded us.

"Awww, Near, c'mon! We're here to have _fun_. Let loose once in your life!" I patted his shoulder, a little more giddy than I should have been for my utter sober state.

Matt simply grinned, "I think we should hit that bar with the pole dancers…give Near a little taste of what living is, dontcha agree, Mells?"

And with the albino bitch protesting profusely, we exited onto the strip, vowing not to return until we were too smashed to remember it for a few days…

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_Review if want to know how Matt and Mello ended up in bed together...or you know the snake thing...or half-naked Near in the closet...lolz_

_Thanks!_


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